Sexual Counseling in Geneva

Even with today’s widespread knowledge and exposure to sexual behaviour, sexual concerns can still cause great difficulties in a marriage or other relationship.

Sometimes the sexual arena is simply the one where other relationship issues – repressed anger or power struggles, for example – surface.

At other times the problems arise from the sexual preferences of one partner that seem undesirable or worse to the other.

Psychosexual counseling or sex counseling provides a safe and confidential arena to explore all these issues. It can help you understand your own and your partner’s needs in a way that protects you both from humiliation or contempt.

The sexual relationship

The sexual drive gives rise to desires, revulsions, compulsions, obsessions and unusual interests in both men and women.

These are often accompanied by fear and shame which, though undeserved, can nevertheless dominate a person’s sexual life.

Accordingly, sexual counseling is often chosen by individuals to be pursued alone. This is perfectly acceptable.

For the couple, the ease of their sexual interaction is often seen as an indicator of the success of their marriage or other relationship.

Also, sexual problems are often the trigger to the most painful marriage and relationship exchanges.

Three levels of sexual problem

I broadly group sexual problems under one of three headings:

  • Loss of libido and sexual inhibition due to physiological problems;
  • Psychosexual problems; and
  • Sexual problems that arise due to differences in sexual behaviour and sexual preferences.

Quite often, the sexual arena is where other relationship issues find their expression. Accordingly, the first task of sexual counseling is to determine whether the problem is actually a sexual one.

Next we agree on which category of problem we’re dealing with. This is typically self-evident and also helps to arrive at a decision as to whether this is best dealt with as a couple issue or whether it might respond more quickly to individual counseling.

Once the true base of the problem has been ascertained or agreed, my approach to counseling approaches the three different groups as follows:

Loss of libido and sexual inhibition due to physiological reasons

The ‘physiological reasons’ in the title can be highly varied but will include matters such as:

  • incapacity due to injury;
  • loss of libido due to hormonal variations;
  • lack of sexual energy due to debilitating illness such as environmental illness, chemical sensitivity, adrenal and thyroid deficiencies, chronic fatigue syndrome etc;

The challenge for sexual counseling here is to create a safe forum. Here the partners can work to come to terms with their now very different needs and outlooks.

Each person can express their feelings as they find their sex lives brought to an end by circumstances beyond their control.

This can be a very challenging time for any relationship and responds well to counseling.

Psychosexual problems

I refer here to the most common examples of psychosexual issues:

  • erectile dysfunction; and
  • vaginismus.

There are physical are behavioural methods available for treating both of these conditions. While I am aware of them I do not practise them and would recommend that you seek advice on them elsewhere.

However, there is often a substantial psychological component that prevents the easy accomplishment of sexual activity. If you feel this may be at the root of your concerns, then counseling provides an ideal environment in which to explore your own views on why this is.

By gently opening the subject for discussion you may feel the ‘pressure to perform’ being relieved in other ways, too.

For those who experience age-related dysfunction, counseling might help you ascertain that age is indeed the problem but it will not, I regret to say, make you any younger.

Sexual behaviour and preferences

Thanks to the Internet and a more open-minded media, there is a widespread recognition today of a whole array of sexual behaviours and preferences.

Many of these were once classified as perversions or paraphilia and were practised only in secret. Increasingly, they are recognized as ‘kinks’ and fetishes and they may be enacted and depicted in public as well as private.

However, just because the TV channels no longer ban the portrayal of non-traditional sexual activities doesn’t mean that everyone wants them in their bedroom. The sexually adventurous partner can often find themselves in a minority of one – and perhaps being scorned and humiliated, as well.

Such a total negation means that many individuals tend to practice or pursue their interests on their own. Then one day a wife comes in to find her husband dressed in female clothing, or watching a BDSM movie on their computer.

The outcome of such events is determined by the strength of the overall relationship. However, they nearly always cause great stress and can generate painful contempt for years to come.

Sexual counseling on the subject of preferences is guided by the relationship’s needs but can include:

  • finding ways to help spouses come to terms with their mates’ kinks;
  • helping couples committed to non-traditional relationships find their way through the difficulties of conducting their relationship in a non-accepting society;
  • building clarification of terms such as ‘equal partners’ when power exchange, for example, leads to a partnership that is deliberately unequal.

A rich variety of opportunity

Just as sexual problems can trigger or highlight problems in the relationship as a whole, a couple’s comfort with its sexual life can have a profound uniting and calming effect.

Effective counseling can help a couple achieve mutuality in their sex life. It can go further, however, and can also permit them to find a greater facility with what is often a very anxious part of relationship. The potential for a rich sexual relationship therefore extends well into the future.

If you would like to explore sexual counseling, either as an individual or within a couple, please contact me by ‘phone or email to arrange a free introductory interview.